The Same Old Song

I realized that sometimes it's good to share your emotions... Letting the words out in a way. When I wrote this poem, I wrote it rather for myself than for anybody else. I wanted to figure out why my mind couldn't let one person go, even though my heart could. Or maybe it was vice versa...It's hard to tell with  these types of feelings. So, when I wrote the poem, I felt relieved. It was a farewell. I've realized it, after some time has passed.

Happiness exists, when you don’t know a thing

So I hope you don’t think this song is about you..

And only I can know, how close you came.. (c) The Weeknd

I don't want to write another poem about him
I don't want to think, cause it makes me sink

Even deeper in my fantasies, can you hear my scream?
Can ya tell me what to do, can you give me one last hint?

How to forget you, how to forgive you?
How to stop thinking, how to stop regretting?
How to be strong again? Hey you.. I have no clue
No answer to these questions...I'm just sitting & letting
Myself believe that I will forget, that I'll find someone better
Better than you and everything we used to share,
That I'll put a lock on my heart... Wait, does it even matter
To you... That I'll throw the kea away? Or you think it was fair ...

That I wept and cried, but you never tried

To make me feel better or simply tried to understand

Hey, maybe we were both players, or we just liked to fight
But, can ya tell me why you lost me, tell me what your actions meant

But you are like a kid, you'll never tell the truth
Afraid of something stupid...were you afraid to loose
Me. And never have me back. No track left behind,
Baby, or is there a track of me in your memory? No answer. I'm blind...

I can't read your mind or understand your look
Sometimes I wanna punch you or throw some heavy book ...
Right at your head...but, wait, that's when I realize
That you're not longer with me, and it's not just my eyes

You're gone, you're gone...and I'm afraid you're gone forever
It's not like something new... I should have been clever,
I shouldn't have let you to ruin my world, and to make me feel attracted
To what was a black hole and what made me feel neglected.

But you know what, you didn't make worse,
I've learned from my mistakes and now I'm stronger. Of course,
I find it hard to trust and to believe in romance
And now I'm suspicious about every guy that asks me to dance.

Am I grateful  to you? Sometimes- yes; sometimes-no,
But I hate it, baby, that I can't let it go;
That in the back of my mind I'm still hoping for something
Something easy and cheesy... Like your heart would be bouncing
At the same rhythm with mine... But I don't want it or do I?

This is the hardest question that I have to answer. But, you know, I guess..
I simply haven't met the right guy who would clean up your mess,
Who would make me believe that males can be tender,
That you are an exception from this righteous gender.

I hope that I will see the dreams where you're no longer present,
I hope that I'd convince myself that I'm the queen and you're simply a peasant
And that you aren't worth my time and we're not meant to be
And after a little while there would be no such concept 'we'.

Feb 13

26 February 2012 - Finfing my balance

I am becoming harsher and more skeptical

And one of my nice friends tells me it’s called “desperate"
Desperate for what? For love and not-pretending?
But all I really want is someone’s understanding.

I have too many questions that I have to answer
And my dad tells me that I’m too young to ask them,
That people of my age don’t think about things I do,
That I have to let it go, and I know this is true.

But then it really bothers me and I want to understand
Why the world works in a certain way, and for me it’s hard to stand
That so many people choose just to ignore
They don’t want to hear the answers and they can let it go…

I have always been different, maybe even awkward in a way.
I want to find the truth; not just to believe in what other people say,
I don’t want to ignore the facts that may be hard to bear
I want to be realistic and completely fair.

My friend says that life kills romantic in me
But I say we are what we are, not who we choose to be.
And when I was younger, I wanted to stay naive
But there are so many things that I find hard to believe.

Sometimes, it seems easier to just close my eyes,
Be foolish and childish and reject to be wise.
But it’s not a solution, and I have to face it,
I have to be honest and I have to replace this
Artificial light with the real sunbeams
I always accept that there’s someone who wins
But it’s up to us to choose the completion
And I have to figure out what is my mission.

I’m always ambitious, but my goals keep changing
I want to do something significant, so that when I’m aging
I would be proud of myself and the life that I’ve lived, and...
Even almost be happy when the life comes to an end.

See, I’ve realized that happiness is relative
And that there are so many things that we can see as negative.
But we have to listen to what our heart tells us
And then the world wouldn’t seem so unfair and unjust

Like Steve Jobs said once, we have to trust our intuition,
We have to be ready to change our world vision
We have to be prepared to the fact that we change,
And so our values and this is not strange.
It’s just called maturity or spiritual growth
And what matters is who I am, but not who I was.

22 February 2012

Revising my values, revising my thoughts
I kill all my “buts” and focus on “whats”
I am afraid to ask questions, but I am trying to fight it
I try to understand what the purpose of life is

One needs no billions of dollars for one to be happy

They think you’re rich and that’s it, but your life may be crappy
I want to be wiser than people who think
That if you’re rich, you have to just wink
And all of your problems will vanish, making everyone glad
But it’s silly to think that the world works like that

I want my life to be interesting and purposeful
I don’t want to pretend that I’m a fool
I don’t want to close my eyes on problems and rejected solutions
Year after year I make smarter resolutions

Now I want to realize what happiness is

I want to break out from the cage and release
The energy of joy and the energy of love
The energy that may be is coming from above
I want to push away my material thoughts
I want to focus more on always coming ‘whats’

Just an intro

Hi everyone! My name is Veronika. I am originally from Ukraine. But I am currently settled down in Toronto. And, honestly, I never know where my life is going to send me next. But I like it over here. So, I am planning to stick for a while. Anyway, this blog is going to be dedicated to my poetry (or may be some other things as well, since there are no limits for a creative person, you know *jokes.jokes*).  I want to create art through words. I just have figured it out that this is the best way for me to express myself. And if you are a balance-seeker or a challenger of our relatively relative reality, you may find some of my words being familiar to your spirit.